Building strong rapport with students is the most important social and emotional learning (SEL) action educators can take to be effective. The last few years have been full of disruption, uncertainty, and fear for students and educators. All of this has left everyone carrying a lot of stress. Now, more than ever, students need to know that the adults around them care. One way to build and maintain strong relationships is to ask students, sincerely and honestly, how they are doing. Here are some SEL check-in questions that can get kids talking and help you identify students needingsupport.
1.“What’d you have for breakfast?” or “What’s in your lunch?”
There are many reasons kids might not have eaten breakfast or may not have a nutritious lunch. These questions aren’t a judgment on what happens at home, but we know that we have to make sure their basic needs are taken care of before we can meet a child’s academic needs. It’s hard to focus on academics when all you can think about is how hungry you are.
2. “What are you looking forward to today?”
Sometimes, it’s hard to find the silver lining on a dull day. Giving them a hand to find one thing to look forward to can help students feel happier and more positive – even if the bright spot in the day is going home after class. If a student consistently can’t think of anything to look forward to, then you know they need more support to develop a more positive outlook.
3. “Who do you want to sit with/work with?”
Peer relationships are LIFE for most students. If a student seems to be by themselves often and can’t name someone they’d like to sit beside or collaborate with in class, they might be struggling socially and may need help making connections with peers. It may also be a sign that more serious conflicts leave the student feeling like an outsider. Either way, they don’t have anyone in the class to connect with is something worth paying attention to.
4. “What clubs or activities do you think we’re missing in our school?”
COVID has pressed pause on a lot of extracurriculars. Students have been missing out on a host of opportunities. As things begin to return to normal, it’s a good time to consider who might not have a place where they feel connected to school outside of class. Does your school forget the students who aren’t sporty or musical? Is there something that a group of students are passionate about that can be supported and turned into an opportunity for them to shine? Asking students what they think is missing is a good way to identify the gaps and find new ways to connect with kids.
5. “How do you think you’re doing in (specific subject or class)?”
This SEL question for students gets at their sense of self-efficacy. While knowing how students are doing academically is important, understanding how they think they’re doing is often more instructive. As Henry Ford said, “Whether you think you can or you can’t, you’re right.” A student’s sense of their ability can really affect their performance. Students who consistently don’t think they are doing well, or think they can’t do well, need help with recognizing their strengths and building self-esteem.
6. “What have you done lately that you’re proud of?”
What students see as accomplishments might surprise you. Maybe academics aren’t a child’s thing, but being there for a friend or mastering a skill outside of school is something they are willing to share and celebrate. It can be a good question to begin a conversation and can help you learn more about your students.
7. “What have you done for fun lately?”
Finding balance in life is hard. It’s important to do well in school and work hard, but it’s just as important to spend time doing fun and enjoyable things. Do your students have something in their lives that helps them find balance? Are they finding time for relaxation and enjoyment?
8. “How do you feel about being back in class/back online?”
It’s easy to assume that kids are disappointed to be learning online or happy to be back in class. It’s not a given, though, that students feel the way we think they do or the way that the majority of their peers do. Finding out what a student feels about different modes of learning can help you learn about what works best for that student.
9. “What questions do you have?”
Instead of asking, “Are there any questions?” before sending students off to complete tasks, consider changing your wording just a bit. It’s subtle, but asking, “What questions do you have?” implies that you expect there to be questions, and it might just make an unsure student brave enough to ask about something they didn’t quite get the first time.
10. “How can I help?”
When you can see that a student is struggling, it can be a natural reaction to swoop in and fix whatever is wrong. It comes from good intentions and a desire to help. Often, though, there’s more going on than meets the eye, and what may seem to be the problem could be the tip of the iceberg. Opening a dialogue about what’s going on and what students feel they need adults to help with can make interventions more effective. Sometimes, students don’t know, but giving them agency to manage their own problems and letting them know you are there to help can be powerful in helping them build problem-solving skills and feel supported and safe.
11. “What’s the most interesting thing you learned today?”
This question helps you identify what students recall from lessons, but it also gives you insight into what they feel is important and noteworthy. You might be surprised at the points they highlight! You can also create small groups so that they can talk to each other about this social and emotional question.
12. “Do you want to talk?”
Sometimes, students need a listening ear – someone they can vent to or share their feelings with, someone who is supportive but neutral. Offering that safe space to vent, think aloud, and be heard without judgment can help students going through difficult moments in life.
13. “Are you okay?”
It’s okay to not be okay and, sometimes, students are clearly not okay. Recognizing this and letting them know that you see them and are there for them is so important. Even if they say they’re fine, it may be worth following up with, “I noticed that you looked down,” or, “You don’t seem like yourself today.” Telling students that we recognize when something isn’t right shows that we care, makes them feel safe, and opens the door for them to share what’s going on and seek support.
As caring adults in the lives of our students, we have the responsibility to reach out and make sure that they are coping adequately with all of the curveballs that have been thrown at them in the past two years. It hasn’t been easy for any of us to adjust to the constant changes and uncertainty. Letting children know that we understand, care, and want to help and support them helps create a safe and comfortable learning environment. Whatever you ask and however students reply, the most important thing is to let them know that you’re listening and there for them.
Photo Credit: Google Education
Social Emotional Learning